Bengals @ Ravens

The Cincinnati Bengals (2-6) visit B-More this week to take on the Ravens (4-4). At the beginning of the season, this looked to be a battle for first in the AFC North. Instead, it is a fight to stay out of the basement. The Ravens are coming off their worst loss of the Brian Billick era, and desperately need a win to have any chance of a 2nd half resurgence. The Bengals, a popular preseason pick to win the division, are playing like the Bungles of old, and desperately need a win to keep coach Marvin Lewis' head off the chopping block for at least another week.

The Ravens, for whatever reason, always seem to bring out the best in the Bengals. They have the purple-and-black's number, having won 4 of the last 5 meetings. The Ravens secondary, even when healthy, always has trouble containing the Bengals star wide receivers, Chad Johnson and T.J. Houshmandzadeh. Ocho Cinco suffered what looked to be a serious neck/spine injury last Sunday against Buffalo, but practiced on Wednesday, and seems likely to play. The Bengals also get certified bungle-hole Chris Henry back from his 8 game suspension just in time to bring him along to M&T. A complete Cincinnati receiving corps is bad news for Ravens fans, as the Ravens will again be shorthanded in the secondary. Samari Rolle's mystery illness has resurfaced to sideline him for the second straight week, and Chris McAlister is said to be a game-time decision with his knee injury. If Rolle and McAlister are both out, and Johnson is in....well, we shudder to think.

On offense (if you want to call it that), the Ravens have a chance to get on the right track this week against one of the worst defenses in the NFL. The Ravens would be well advised to make certain that Willis McGahee touches the ball no less than 25-30 times against a unit giving up 143 yards per game on the ground. The Bengals are equally atrocious defending the pass, allowing over 250 aerial yards per contest, but the sight of Steve McNair dropping back to fumble...er...pass is not something we hope to see more than 20-25 times Sunday. Speaking of McNair, he has staunchly defended himself this week (why not, nobody seems to have trouble defending him these days) and stated that he his still capable of performing at a high level. Coach Billick stands behind him, and as early as the post-game conference in Pittsburgh had named McNair the unquestioned starter. If he plays anything like he did against the Steelers in the first half Sunday, though, don't be surprised to see Billick go to the well and put Kyle Boller in. Even though it is probably "six one way, half dozen the other" with Boller and McNair, at least with Kyle the defense has to at least THINK that the Ravens could - maybe, possibly, if the stars align correctly and a butterfly flaps its wings in Africa and the tide is coming in - throw the ball more than 10 yards.

Hopefully Palmer won't "eat up" the Ravens' tasty secondary

The Bengals should not, and likely will not, even bother trying to run the ball Sunday. They will come out throwing, attack the Ravens reeling secondary, and they WILL put points on the board. Make no mistake about it, Carson Palmer knows how to beat this defense, and without Rolle and/or McAlister, it will be easy pickin's for him. The game will come down to whether or not the Ravens are able to run their methodical, ball-control game, keep the Bengals' O off the field, and get 6 points instead of 3 when they have the opportunity. In a match-up between evenly matched (yes, the Ravens are, unfortunately, evenly matched with a 2-6 team) teams, we give the advantage to the Ravens, simply because they always play much better at home.

Ravens 24 Bengals 21

Steelers 38 Ravens 7 (The PAYBACKS ARE A ..... Game)

There were plenty of things we could have called this one. The "Monday Night Massacre" would have fit nicely, as would the "Prime Time Pounding," the "Three River Ripping," or the "Steel City Shitty Bed." Maybe even more fitting than all of those would be the "Wow, the Ravens really stink" game. In the end, though, our hated rivals got their revenge on the purple and black, atoning for last year's 31-7 and 27-0 Ravens wins with a 38-7 smack down of their own. The payback couldn't have worked out any better for the Steelers, who were able to completely embarrass the Ravens on national television, pulling the rug out from under them and sending B-More's already shaky "playoff contender" house of cards crashing to the rain-soaked earth.

The night started innocently enough, as the Ravens forced Pittsburgh to punt on their first possession, then managed to convert a 3rd-and-6 for what would end up being their only first down of the 1st half, and one of just five on the night. However, 3 plays later, after initially eluding blitzing LB James Harrison, Steve McNair seemed to completely forget Harrison was there, dropping the ball to throw it right as Harrison caught back up and sacked him, forcing McNair into his league leading 5th lost fumble. As a result, the Steelers started their drive at the B-More 20. The Ravens bottled up Willie Parker on consecutive runs to set up a 3rd-and-7, which was where the night really turned downhill quickly. Trevor Pryce busted through the Pissburgh line, and had Baby Ben Toothlessburger all wrapped up for what should have forced a long field goal attempt in windy, rainy conditions. Instead, Pryce was unable to secure the quarterback, surely due in part to the cast he was wearing on his surgically repaired wrist, and Frankenburger's overgrown, corn-fed, motorcycle crashing a** was able to skip free, run outside the pocket, and find tight end Heath Miller in the back of the end zone for the touchdown. It was a scene that played over and over last night, with the Ravens forcing the Steelers into passing situations, pressuring the quarterback, but then being unable to seal the deal and watching as another Steelers receiver ran completely free through the inexperienced and overmatched secondary. Five times in the first 29 minutes of playing time the Steelers were able to find the end zone through the air. Only a 33 yard touchdown scamper from Willis McGahee saved what likely would have been a Steel Town shutout, making the score 35-7 at the half.

Has anyone else noticed that Hines Ward looks like a middle-aged Korean woman these days? Or is it just us? Hit someone else while they're not looking, big man.

Hines Ward: Happy to hit you when you're not looking

In this week's poll, the Nest is asking you all to help us choose a new nickname for Steve McNair. Its all in fun, but unfortunately the reality is that for the Ravens to have any chance at all this season, his name is going to have to be something along the lines of "Former Ravens Starting Quarterback" Steve McNair. "Error" McNair was absolutely atrocious again last night. If he or the team has decided to try to hide some injury that he has, it needs to stop. If this is Steve healthy, he needs to retire, like yesterday. It is obvious that his body cannot do the things that he has come to expect, and he looks tired, old, and washed up. At one point in last night's game, he managed to underthrow a zero yard pass! The Ravens longest completion of the night was NINE yards! And, to put a big fat bow on the gift of futility McNair has bestowed upon Ravens nation, Steve set an NFL record for the fewest passing yards (63) in a game by a quarterback in which he has at least 13 completions.

For the game:
13 of 22 for 63 yards, one interception, and two fumbles (one lost).
For the season:
116 of 179 for 985 yards, 2 TD, 3 INT, 5 lost fumbles

Brian Billick has stated that Steve McNair remains his starting quarterback, an assertion that should give Ravens fans night terrors. The Coach needs to take a long, hard look at himself and his team moving forward, as the Ravens have now laid their second straight absolute turd in a big game coming off a bye week (Last year vs. IND being the previous). We do not claim to know the answers, and we will certainly stick by our team through this rough patch. There is no denying, however, that something needs to change, and fast.

Last Minute Monday Night Updates

Some late breaking news on tonight's match-up in Pittsburgh, all of it bad for the Ravens:

1. Samari Rolle is out yet again with another recurrence of his "undisclosed illness." Rolle, who earned the nickname "Sorry Rolle" from some Ravens fans in 2006 due to his dismal play, has given us motivation to coin his 2007 moniker, "SARSi Rolle."

2. Chris McAlister will not play, as the severe knee sprain he suffered against St. Louis is not 100%.

3. Although he has practiced, Todd Heap is being called a "game-time decision," with a still sore hamstring.

4. The Ravens' most dangerous offensive weapon, K Matt Stover has evidently suffered a thigh bruise to his kicking leg, and did not practice Saturday night.

5. Finally, the latest weather report for tonight in Squealtown is mid-40's and rainy, with 15 mph winds. While conventional wisdom says the poor conditions could help neutralize the Steelers' big advantage in the passing game, we Ravens fans know that our purple and black, much like rapper Missy Elliott, "Can't Stand the Rain." Look no further than last year's losses in Denver and Cincinnati, if you need a reminder.

There you have it, a "Perfect Storm" of bad news for the Ravens. We won't back down from our previously predicted 20-17 win, but the Guru Crew certainly has their work cut out for them.

Ravens @ Steelers - Part 2: Prediction

We hope you enjoyed digesting yesterday's preview, where the hate flew like Bill Cowher spittle. Today, its time to get down to it, and predict the score. First off, the Ravens are 9-point underdogs in this game. If betting were legal (which it is NOT), the Nest would bet the farm on this one. You have to go back to December 2004 to find a game in this series which Pittsburgh won convincingly, when they beat the Ravens 20-7. If the Ravens lose, it will certainly not be by 10 points.

We fully expect the Ravens to be able to shut down Willie Parker - perhaps not as convincingly as they did last season, but effectively nonetheless. If they can hold him to ~70 yards, we are not convinced that Ben can carry the team with his arm. While his passer rating is gaudy this year, he still makes mistakes - as evidenced by his red zone interception last week in Cincy. Look for the Ravens' secondary to capitalize on his stupidity, get some picks, and set the O up with good field position. The offense, in turn, will capitalize just enough to win this one. A late score by Pittsburgh will make the game appear closer than it really was.

Ravens 20 Steelers 17

Ravens @ Steelers

Another disclaimer: If you are looking for the usual even-handed, unbiased game preview you've come to expect from the Nest, you won't get it. The Squealers hold a special place in our farts, er...hearts, and as such get a column big on hate, little on analysis. Anyway, the mid-season review had enough stats for one week, right?

The Ravens (4-3) come off the bye with a bang this week, immediately being thrust into the national spotlight to clash with the division leading Shitsburg Squealers (5-2). In a game that is as close to a "must-win" as is possible at midseason, the Ravens are facing a potential 2 game swing in this one, as a win would tie them for the AFC North lead, while a loss would leave them looking up across a 2-game canyon at the hated Steelers. The Steelers have been playing out of their minds this season, outscoring their opponents in their 5 victories by a 142-39 margin. Rookie head coach Mike "Omar Epps" Tomlin has found time in his busy schedule of filming the hit show "House" to seemingly right the ship up in Pierogie-ville, after Bill Cowher's farewell tour fizzled out at 8-8 last year. As loathe as we are to admit it, as nauseous as it makes us at the Nest, the black-and-gold (aren't those colors better suited to a high school or college team, by the way? My high school and college both used pee and dung for colors. Bring your uniforms up to a professional level, losers) may just be a decent team. Again.

On offense, the Steelers have the number 1 rushing attack in the league, led by the NFL's second leading rusher, "Fast" Willie Parker. Back in our neighborhood growing up, there was a crazy old man that wandered the streets talking to himself and trying to find his marbles - we called him "Fast" Eddie. Probably Willie's uncle. Willie has been running with a chip on his shoulder all season, but hey - we would be bitter too if we spent four years in college ball playing end, guard, tackle (sit on the end of the bench, guard the water, and tackle anybody who tries to drink it) like Parker did. Moderate pace William has went over 100 yards in each of the Squealers' five wins this season, while going for just 37 in the week 4 loss to Arizona, and 93 in the week 7 loss to Denver. Following A to B - stop Willie, stop the Squealers. What better team to do that than the purple and black, the NFL's #2 ground defense, currently holding teams to a paltry 72 yards per game? In the two glorious beatdowns in '06, the Ravens held Slow Bill to 51 yards on 23 carries. We think we should point out that, yes, Slow Bill had fewer total yards in 2 games than the Ravens had points (58-51). Stop Willie? Don't mind if we do.

The next "weapon" the Ravens will have to contend with is the arm of one Baby Ben Toothlessburger, who was miraculously able to avoid the grilles of Chrysler New Yorkers this off-season. Actually, he avoided all grills with equal gusto, refusing his teammates' invites to their summer Bar-B-Qs, steering clear of the outdoor appliance section at Wal-Mart, and ignoring text messages from rapper Lil' John and Bengals WR Chad Johnson. Just a season removed from leading the NFL in interceptions, Baby Ben has thrown only 6 this year, to go along with 15 touchdowns. Although, he is probably just trying to avoid anything that sounds at all like "intersection." If Ben is able to quiet the constant ringing that we imagine goes on inside his noggin enough to run an effective no-huddle, he may be able to do some damage. Also, we expect the Steelers to try to move the pocket for him, and utilize his mobility better than in past meetings. Last year, sitting in the pocket, the Ravens absolutely battered him, sacking him 14 times and causing him to at one point say that Bart Scott hit him harder than he had ever been hit (this from a man who, a few months earlier, had been hit by a car! Rest assured Ben will search out #57 before every snap).

The Steelers also have a new secret weapon, mascot Steely McBeam. The love child of former coach Bill Cowher and homosexual adult film actor Phillup Seymour Buffmen, the chiseling of McBeam's chin is rivaled only by that of his abs. It seems the Steelers management knew a big hunk of burnin love man-meat would do a much better job of exciting the crowd than something as silly as scantily clad females with pom-poms. With McBeam to go along with all the snapping towels, Pittsburgh has succeeded in turning Heinz Field into the world's largest outdoor men's locker room. Way to go! Might as well just get it over with and rename it "Heiny Field."

Cheerleaders? Ew! We'll take this guy, thanks.

All joking aside - the Steelers....suck.

No, really.

Much like the Ravens, they've faced the dregs of the NFL, only they have taken advantage a little better. Their wins have come over teams with a combined record of 15-20. They beat the Browns when Cleveland was starting Seattle's current 3rd-string QB. We're not impressed. Billick's Bashers (aka The Guru Gang) are finally healthy again, are well rested, and are primed for the upset. The Ravens own a three game winning streak in the series, during which time they have outscored the Squeals 74-20. Ben is so afraid of the Ravens' D that he stopped hanging garlic in his room in the hopes that the vampires would keep Bart Scott away.

If there is one thing that worries us about this one, its the fact that it is a Monday nighter. The Ravens, for as much as they seemingly love the limelight, play atrociously in nationally televised games. They have lost their last 4 such contests, including playoffs (after winning two in a row in weeks 15-16 of 2005, over the Green Bay Packers 48-3, and Minnesota Vikings 30-23 - go figure). This is a bugaboo they need to get off their back this week, with 2 more primetime games on the schedule, against the Colts and Patriots, no less. Will they be able to do it?

Prediction:
Coming Tomorrow

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A scary hit for you all today. Happy Halloween!

Season at the Bye - The Good, Bad, and Ugly

disclaimer: this article heavy on the stats. If youre a stat-o-phobe, turn back now. You have been warned.

The Good

The Ravens currently sit at 4-3, tied with the Cleveland Browns (!?!) for second place in the AFC North, just a game behind the Squealers. Historically, the Ravens are a much better team in the 2nd half of the season under head coach Brian Billick. They have won 5 straight (regular season) games when coming off the bye week, and are 6-3 overall. In regular season games after Nov. 1, the Ravens are 46-23 under compu-coach. Last season, the team went into the bye at 4-2, and dominated the second half of their schedule to finish 13-3.

The Ravens are 2nd in overall defense, trailing only the Squealers, and 2nd in rush defense, looking up at the Tennessee Titans. Running back Willis McGahee is 2nd in the NFL in rushing yards, and is averaging 4.4 yards per carry. Backup QB Kyle Boller has played well in relief of the injured Steve McNair, and is finally showing some signs of progress that we have been waiting years to see. Wide receiver Derrick Mason has been a huge part of the offense, and leads the NFL with 56 receptions. Return man Yamon Figurs ranks 3rd in the NFL in kick return average and 4th in punt return average among players with at least 5 attempts. Kicker Matt Stover has been his usual consistent self, leading the league with 18 field goals on 21 attempts.

The Bad

Despite their success on the ground, the Ravens have been unable to put together a constant mid-range passing attack to compliment their running game, and are just 16th in the league in total offense. They have struggled mightily in the dead zone, and as a result are 25th in the league in points per game, averaging just 17.7. Going into week 8, only 3 teams were having less success scoring touchdowns inside the 20, and those teams had a combined record of 3-17. Overall, Ravens quarterbacks have turned the ball over 9 times while throwing for only 5 touchdowns.

Defensively, the Ravens have again been vulnerable to the big play, and have not shown the ability to shut teams down when leading in the second half. They have allowed 25 plays over 20 yards, and 6 over 40. They also have not pressured the quarterback as well as they did in 2006, and have only 15 sacks through 7 games, 16th in the NFL (last year, the team had 60 sacks, just one behind the league-leading Chargers.) No Raven is in the top 50 in the league in sacks, with Corey Ivy, Jarrett Johnson, Kelly Gregg, and Terrell Suggs sharing the team lead with 2.0 each.

The Ugly

Plenty of ugly to go around this season so far. After making it through the 2006 season incredibly healthy as a team, the injuries have caught up to the purple and black this year in a big way. Jonathan Ogden has not started a game since opening night, and just took his first snaps since then last week in Buffalo. Quarterback Steve McNair has made only 4 starts, and came out early in one of them. Even when playing, McNair has been bothered by a groin injury, which has made his throws inaccurate, wobbly, and all around, well…ugly. Tight end Todd Heap, left tackle Adam Terry, and center Mike Flynn have all missed games due to pain. Wide receiver Mark Clayton was slowed by injury early in the season, but seems to be getting over it.

On the other side, the D hasn’t escaped the bug either, as end Trevor Pryce has been out since week 2 with a broken wrist, and corner Chris McAlister may or may not return this week after injuring his knee in week 6. Samari Rolle also missed significant time due to “undisclosed illness.” The health of this aging core group of players will play a big role in how the rest of the season plays out here in B-More.

The teams the Ravens have beaten (Jets, Cardinals, 49ers, Rams) have a combined record of 6-24, while the teams they have lost to (Bengals, Browns, Bills) are 9-12. Looking ahead to the rest of the schedule, the remaining teams on the Ravens docket are a combined 34-24. Also, the quarterbacks the Ravens have beaten this season on their way to a #2 ranked defense have included names like Kellen Clemens, Kurt Warner, Trent Dilfer, and Gus Frerotte. A little shudder shakes the Nest when we think of how this team will fare against the Peyton Mannings, Tom Bradys, Ben Toothlessburgers, and Matt Hasselbecks of the world, at least if they continue to play the way they have, which is to say extremely loose in the secondary.

Another big double-branch on the ugly tree that has been the 2007 season is the play-calling of coach Billick, and now the outspokenness of Ray Lewis as pertains to it. Billick has been criticized heavily, here and elsewhere, for his refusal to run the ball in certain situations, particularly at the goal line in Cincinnati and at midfield in the final minute in Buffalo. We don’t know if he outsmarts himself, thinking “well, they expect us to run here, so let’s fool them and go with the pass,” or if he really does have more confidence in his passing game than running game to pick up 2 or 3 yards. Both scenarios are cause for great concern by fans hoping to see some wins pile up in the 2nd half. Equally disconcerting is the fact that Ray-Ray saw fit to call the coach out on his radio show. The last thing we need is to see the locker room divide as it did three years ago, which led to several sub-par purple and black seasons. Lewis should have kept his complaints private, in-house, and spoken to Billick one-on-one like a man. As upset as Ravens fans are about the play-calling, the court of public opinion has spoken, and their resounding response to Lewis is to just “SHUT UP!” As a matter of fact, it could be argued that many members of the team should shut their mouths a bit, as it seems just about every player has their own weekly radio show that they are hosting. Time that could be better spent preparing for the next opponent.

The fact of the matter is, at 4-3, the Ravens control their own destiny at this point. They have 4 division and 8 conference games remaining to put themselves in a position to make the playoffs. As good, bad, or ugly as anything has been so far, there is still a lot of football to be played, and plenty of time to either right the ship, or sail it right off the end of the earth.

special thanks to the Nick-a-What research team on this article.